DALEY MAYALL of the ‘
SKINNY SPICE THWARTS BECKHAM MOVE TO CITY!
David Beckham was on the verge of a sensational move to
Beckham had been looking to escape from Old Trafford ever since the dressing room bust-up with boss Sir Alex Purplenose. Glasgow Rangers were expected to sign him, but he quickly rebuffed them when learning that he would be greeted with Glaswegian kisses when the deal was completed.
“I’ve had enough of them recently, you know, so I didn’t fink I’d go there, you know.” He stated.
The deal to come to York fell through on a couple of ‘technical’ points, as outlined to me by Steve Beck, Chairman of the ‘new’ York City FC over a beer or three in the Bootham Tavern in July. So how could the club afford to purchase such a high profile international? Beck told me:
“I can only reveal the details to you now as unfortunately a
Spanish club calling themselves Red Admiral, or summat like that, stepped in to
finally scupper our fragile bid and he bu@@ered off there instead. We managed
to put together a unique ‘package’ deal to attract the Beckham family to
The Smartie room within the main stand, used by kiddies on
match days would have been renamed ‘
But surely this goes against the ethic that the board is trying to instill and promote now that they consider it a ‘Community Club’?
The Supporters’ Trust owns 85% of the club after all, I pointed out.
“That’s true daley, but sometimes you have to bend the rules – like the way David does the ball with his foot – to keep a world class player very happy.”
Beck was keen to reassure me. “At least a dozen Junior Reds
were to be picked at random to share in
He added: “I outlined that the house would be very handy for
the corner shop, situated near the railway footbridge and that
I shrugged my shoulders and raised my eyebrows, as an essential part of the whole deal had not yet been revealed. I wanted the nitty gritty details and asked: “What about the transfer mon....”
But Beck, having put his pint down, interrupted me to add:
“Another incentive for the family to come to
I finally got a word in edgeways. “The transfer fee involved Steve - how much?!,” I demanded.
“Erm, I knew there was something I’d forgotten to mention! Money wasn’t to be paid directly to Man Utd., believe it or not. Because of our good relationship with the club following the deals with Nick Culkin and Jono Greening, the Red Devils and Sir Alex Purplenose said they were going to offer us a special deal and settle for a consignment of Wrigley’s gum to cover Alex’s dugout masticating expenses for the next two years. Mind you, that came to over £500,000, but we think we’d have recovered that money easily through the turnstiles and from selling Beckham merchandise once the fans knew we’d secured his services in a City shirt.”
“So how close was ‘Golden Balls’ to actually donning a City shirt?”, I queried. The Chairman looked forlornly into his pint glass and was close to tears.
“Very close. It was only when
It was time to seek out the man concerned in this whole
charade - David Beckham. I collared him putting the bins out beside the
imposing gates leading to
“Well, ya know, it’s kinda difficult to answer that one, but
ya know, Vicky said Steve weren’t related to me and, ya know, once Real Madrid
came in for me, ya know, I guess it was the Gucci shops in the capital that
swung the decision, ya know. Plus she didn’t fancy our next kid being called
Yorkie, ya know as sumfink is already called that in
With those details finally to hand, I left David to get on with learning how to say “you know” in Spanish and packed my trilby away and headed for the nearest boozer to pen this scoop - and toasted the fact I still had my sanity intact..............just!
READ ALL THE LATEST BECKHAM CRAP in the ‘
DALEY MAYALL of the ‘
A DAY AT THE RACES
Racing was the order of the day for players and officials of
A number of
While singing the praises of their horse, some of them started jumping up and down, excited at the prospect of a big pay day after some hefty bets were laid at generous odds. Unfortunately, they had the misfortune of knocking BBC TV pundit Willie Arseon off the box upon which he was perched while trying to conduct an interview with colleague Claire Tallthing. Sadly, Willie sprained an ankle from the incident, Tallthing having to give him a piggyback to the First Aid point 200 yards away. Several City fans were ejected as a result of a stewards enquiry into the incident.
Cantering down to the start, York City Lady’s odds began to drift alarmingly. It was quite clear that she was ‘sweating up’ badly in the hot conditions, bookmakers making her the rank outsider of the thirteen runners. I managed to grab a word with City chief executive Keith Usherette in the main stand before the off. Had he backed the horse? “Have I ‘eckers like! It doesn’t stand a ruddy chance. I’ve gone for the favourite, Nomadic Society, owned by Sheik Abdullah Timbuktoo.”
A big cheer from the City collective gathered near the winning post signalled the start of the 1m 3f race. City fan Reg Hedge, who had been propping up the bar in the stand for the first two races, rushed outside for Lady’s debut. “Where are the fences? I’ve only come to admire the foliage!,” he announced to bemused racegoers nearby.
The Featherington trained horse made a blistering start from the stalls, and after one furlong she was a neck in front of Floodlight Failure, with Yellow Card and Sweet FA waiting to pounce, and Sertori bringing up the rear. Alas, York City Lady struggled to contend with the cracking pace and by the time Nomadic Society flashed past the winning post in first place, she was still six furlongs out, and eventually finished the race at in last place. Sertori was disqualified, as veterinary tests later proved he was a donkey and not a horse.
Everyone of the syndicate involved with York City Lady’s
welfare headed back to a private bar, laid on by Batchelor, to drown their
sorrows. City boss Terry Dolan was fuming at the performance of the horse and
spouted: ”I had £3.50 on the nose on that useless heap of sh.........YES,
£3.50!! I can’t afford another bet now, unless JB slips me an advance ‘Win
Bonus’ as we are playing
He necked a swift lager and lime and went in search of trainer Jim to ask about the true fitness of his investment. Meanwhile, a beaming Keith Usherette shuffled into the bar with pockets stuffed with notes. He bought everyone of the syndicate a cigar to help ease the pain, and donated £5 to the City Supporters’ Trust. Striker Lee Nogan, £50 down on the day, shrugged his shoulders and muttered: “At least she finished before the next race commenced!”
Stumpy Shortarse, jockey aboard York City Lady, was as downcast as the punters who’d backed her. He explained: “I expected better from her. She was okay on the gallops earlier in the week, but I think the roar from the City fans while we were in the parade ring unsettled her. She wasn’t bothered about the stalls and came out like a rocket, but after that she was crap. But she’ll be better for the experience.”