GLF

The York City Fanzine

TIGHTEN UP OUR DEFENCE!!
Blogged by Dr. Bea Narna.

As a sure way of making things ‘tight at the back’,……may I suggest the City players turn to a diet of Ffyfes bananas as a way of stiffening up our defences? As an added energy boost mix it with seaweed, it worked for ickle Michael Owen!!


NO!..........DR. BEA NARNA
Blogged by Mr Kah Roht

Doesn’t Dr. Bea Narna realisethat the slippy City back four are indeed already going ar$e over t^t on banana skins? CARROTS are the answer. The 7.45 kick-offs will rapidly improve City’s game due to better night vision.


BALANCED DIET THE KEY
Blogged by Arty Choke

I can’t believe some of the rubbish posted today on this site!!.....Everyone knows that a balanced diet is an essential requirement as part of a footballers career.  The fact that McEwan takes his players for ‘one of each’ after training shouldn’t come into it…As long as it is washed down with a can of ‘Chokey Cola’, there should not be a problem!!!


I AGREE
Blogged by Hazel Knutt

I agree with you entirely regarding a balanced diet. Surely the club is employing someone whom is a fully qualified dietician? This must be the way forward for Billy and the boys. In some matches I’ve seen recently, it’s apparent that the team cannot keep going for the full 90 minutes. Obviously our energy levels are not  high enough! I’m sick of seeing us being CRUSHED, ROASTED, and WALNUT whipped by teams supposedly weaker than ourselves. It’s time to PECAN McGill & McEwan to get the team SALTED out quickly – or I’ll be going down the pub to get PISSTACHIOED!


ALL WE ARE SAYING IS GIVE PEAS A CHANCE
Blogged by Dr. P. Zinnerpodd

Mr. McEwan & crew look as though they are suffering from ‘Serious Pea Unexplainable Deficiency’ (S.P.U.D.), a disease which turns grown men into green quivering round-like jelly wrecks. Very difficult to spot in the depths of the Conference. They tend to take on ‘pod’ like characteristics – sticking together in a cocoon, unaware of what is going on around them.

I recommend the ‘Jolly Green Giant Pea’ remedy. Eat at least two portions of Dr. P. Zinnerpodd’s Jolly Green Giant Peas in a handy ‘boil in your pocket’ bag, washed down with a can of Chokey-Cola. All now available from: www.drpzinnerpodsjollygreengiantpeasinhotbaginyapocket.corn/crap/football


MEAT & TWO VEG OFFER
Blogged by pete Ayto

I have recently acquired vast amounts of potatoes signed by famous football league players from past to future, including some York City ones like Colin Alcide.

I also have some celebrity footballer look-a-like potatoes too, mainly Steve Agnews and Wayne Halls (Limited stocks)

So, if you would like to purchase one for that ‘ideal’ gift for your sporting chums, then just send me all your money to: spudaoffer@cashinginonuselessvegetatedfootballersfromyorkwhohavenoeyedeer.corn.ok

NB – All potatoes can be chipped if required for an extra cost.


PICK-ME-UP INVITATION
Blogged by Miss Shee Yu Soon

I think what the whole of York City Football Club needs right now is for the supporters to get BEHIND them! So I will be contacting YCFC tomorrow and inviting them, on behalf of my boss, Mr Kor Bli Mee, to our Chinese Resaurant: The’Wong Kee Legg’. There is plenty of seating available at our restaurant, but we think we will be seating them in a 1-2-4-4 formation, thus leaving space at the back for the players to make a quick exit should the going get a bit hot. The starter will be a ‘Prawn Ball on a Bed of Lettuce’, though some of the players may wish to concede possession of the Prawn Ball and go straight for the Curry, leaving themselves vunerable to an attack of the jitters.

For the main course, we shall be serving them one of our house specialities, namely the ‘Mi-Q won Haut’ Curry. A spicy curry thus named because the ingredients are mysterious and the taste ‘bitter-sweet-bitter’.

I’m sure our friendly chef Mr. Ho Lee Smook, will be only too pleased to cater for their tastes though any ‘relegation fodder’ is off the menu and is given to the tramps at the back of the premises!

If any other York City supporters disagree with our stance regarding helping the City lads get up and running (quite literally) again, please contact Mr Wot Swong Nhow at the complaints desk situated within the restaurant. UP THE CITY!


GREEN FOOD, GREEN PITCH, GREEN PILES
Blogged by Russell Sprout (Senior Groundsman)

I can’t believe all these offers of nutritional balance and offers of the old Chinese meals and curry’s etc, for the poor blighted City players and management. Do people not realise the devastating consequences. It is I, the Senior Groundsman that has to deal with the aftermath of a good veggie session and a curry & chips do before a big game. The pitch is immaculate at the moment because of all the sh)t running around on it for 60 minutes on a Saturday afternoon, the last thing I need is a fit and healthy vegged-up and curryfied squad churning the grass up with dashing runs, slick footwork and aggressive tackling. So BM and boys, please leave things as they are for the sake of the pitch and oh, keep signing thos ex Northwich players to give the crowd something to shout about

Does the offer of a curry or Chinese extend to the groundsman, ‘cos I’m getting a bit fed up of ‘one of each’ every Friday night with the squad.


CHEER UP, A NEW STRIP FOR THE CONFERENCE NORTH!
Blogged by Reah Bock

Just a quick note from York’s 2008 -2009 sponsors –

We have just finished the design for the new Conf North division strip and it looks the biz!

We have encorporated a big yellow stripe down the back for added support and moved the numbers to the front to make it look as though the players are actually going forwards rather than in reverse. The colours will be in a fetching khaki design to help with those stray passes – now you can say ‘I never saw him, boss’ without the shame and embarrassment!

Another new feature is the way the players name will be seen on the back of the shirt, stuck on with VELCRO LETTERING! Makes the continuous coming and going of the front line a seemless exercise, with quick change-over lettering!

To get a sneak preview of the new strip, take a look at our website:

www.ifonlywedofgottenridofourchairmansooner.corn.ok

Yours, Miss Reah Bock (Marketing and hard luck cases)


USELESS SIGNINGS BY BM
Blogged by Aubrey Gene

The obvious problem at the moment is….wel there are a few at the moment actually. But it seems Mr Mac’s lack of astute signings in the transfer market is beginning to take effect. All he seems to purchase are cabbages, lemons, has-beans, potatoes, right narnas and ex Northwich players! No wonder things aren’t right!


COACHING TECHNIQUES AT THE TRAINING GROUND
Blogged by Sam & Ella

We’d like to voice our opinion that the current coaching methods employed by the staff of YCFC are without question of the highest standard. Our ‘Greasy Spoon’ wagon is located in a lay-by overlooking City’s impressive training facilities. Fortunately it’s situated behind Tom Evans’ goal. Instead of phoning us their order for 18 greasy fry-ups, to be served directly after training, the squad now resort to sending us coded messages by hitting numerous balls against the back of the wagon. I’m not sure whether it’s tough luck or good skill, but I’d like to think the latter! They are a smashing set of lads though, and all of them have healthy appetites. I’m just glad our wagon doesn’t have windows!

See ya tomorrow lads after training : ) - Sam & Ella Brunch.